a line from a play
a character I adored
yet everyone around me just seemed to fear.
I didn’t, couldn’t, can’t understand why people feared her so much? Why was she so scary to them?
To me, she got it? Or maybe I got her
The line she repeats throughout is “but you have friends…you have a lot of friends” and it seems to be something she explores alone and comes to no conclusion with
Its a phrase that circles my mind late at night
A thought that my brain seems to use when trying to convince me to keep going
Yet here I am alone again, I spent the entire day alone at home
Know how many messages I received?
1 from my mother to tell me she’s coming home
Sometimes I like being alone but I never like being lonely and it seems to be the state I’m stuck in recently
It feels like if I disappeared off the face of the Earth nothing would happen
and that’s because
The world would keep turning, people would keep living. They’d have the inconvenience of a day off work but that’s about it
How selfish I sound but it’s how I feel, everyone has another option.
I am nobody’s first choice
Because sure, I have friends but those friends aren’t around
They’re never around anymore
It feels like I’m the only person in my world, in my head, in my space and I’m sick of it no wonder they’ve all left
I’d leave me too
If it wasn’t for this space to vent and finally communicate I’d probably have already left